ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
