Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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