I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
