Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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