Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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