i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
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I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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