just come out here and I will go home with you...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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