think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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