so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
