Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
