Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
