You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
