Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
