As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
