PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I did not marry a roomba.
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