Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
