I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
