My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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