If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
