haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
