You really coming over, don't trick.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
