Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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