When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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