It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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