I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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