They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize