WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
