dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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