she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
