you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
