I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
