I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
