dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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