Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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