i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
