Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Bring me that man meat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
