You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The air taste purple.
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