Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
