went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
