Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
