Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
