weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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