I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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