The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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