The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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