Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
