I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
