She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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