im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
