I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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