coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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