i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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