this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
