Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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