I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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