I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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