Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
