fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
