Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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