Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
