She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
