happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
